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Saturday, 4 November 2017

Life Took Over

Well here I am six a bit months since my last post!!............. and I was all set to post regularly when LIFE took over and my time has not been mine. My life has been taken up with a very sick mother, nursing homes and selling our family home........ and in amongst that grandchildren have been a constant as have a lot of changes for me.

Through April and May it was becoming more obvious that mum was not looking after herself. My sister and I were taking it in turn spending most of each day with her to make sure she showered and ate - if we didn't she wouldn't. This worked for my sister but for me it didn't - I have Karah to run around after and by that time I had my 14yr old grandson coming for half of every week to stay with me as well.


Early June mum started going downhill even with the constant care we were giving her. I had dealt with and accepted that we were going to have to put her into full time care as I couldn't keep going with the way things were. By the end of June she was in hospital where she went close to dying twice. After a week in hospital with her being not much better the Drs decided she could go home - that was until I told them that she was on her home and family could not provide the medical care she needed. So the Nursing Home journey began.
Mum has been in the Nursing Home for 4 months now but doesn't want to be there. During this time her dementia worsened and she has forgotten how ill she was. There have been some funny comments from her like "it is conspract that I ended up in here - it's those girls fault!' and 'there was trickery at play to get me in here'.  I am pleased that she is getting 24 hour care, 3 meals a day and company all day every day. I know it is going to take quite a while for her to accept it fully but it has just made all our lives so much easier and no stress or worry about her wellbeing.
Then it was time to empty her house and sort all the belongings and get it ready for sale. That has been hard. 45 years of memories - my 4 boys hated coming in to help me because they seen nan everywhere and memories would assail them wherever they looked. It was hard and took me 7 weeks to do it all the sorting (and mum had gotten rid of a lot of stuff a few years ago. I packed a lot of it into boxes and brought home with me - it is stored in a shed until I can get to it to sort it.
The house has been sold one of my sons bought it for his family home which I am pleased about. Changes have been made to his and his wives liking and I think they are for the better. It is slowly becoming their home.

Mum in her youth.


Mum with Oliver


The great granchildren visiting Nan (Lachlan, Abbey and Karah)

Mum and William


Mum and Hope at our local show at the beginning of October.



We (including her grandchildren) pick her up several times a week and go to the plaza and have lunch or coffee - she sees more of her grandkids now than she did for many years!! And we all go and see her constantly.

So now I am getting used to getting my life back in order and having some time to myself. I did find myself resenting the time dealing with mum's house was taking from me but I have dealt with that now and happy with the outcome of it all.

My garden is a sea of weeds but going for a walk around each day is an adventure - flowers pop up overnite and greet me through the weeds each day! Here are a few:

Julias Rose - one of my favourites



3 years this has been in my garden and finally it was covered in flowers





So as life settles down I am thankful I can still share times with my mother, my grandies are my rocks - they calm me down and cuddle me through the tough times and myadventure finds keep me smiling and excited for good times ahead!!






12 comments:

  1. Hi Kerrie its so good to have you back,i understand what you went through as i am going through it with my parents at the moment,its tough watching them grow old and frail,but you have done the best thing and it all works out in the end.Wow look at your flowers what a beautiful garden you have my friend xx

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  2. Amazing how the garden gives you comfort and how things flower just when you ned them too. Good to see your Mum now has the care she needs, it is a very difficult time of life. I have been dealing with a similar thing with my mother she is managing ok with help, but insisting on staying in her own home. Hope life is a bit more settled for you now and you can get some time to do things that you enjoy.

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  3. welcome back Kerri... It has been a difficult time for you and I am pleased things are getting back on track now.. Mum is in a great place and as you say being well cared for..
    How nice to see all the pretty flowers pop up...
    Take care , lots of hugz.....

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  4. What a nice surprise to see you here today! All that you say here Kerri has been my life for the past six+ years. When my mom was sick with cancer and then passed away, we realized my dad was not caring for himself. Despite my one sister and I trying to visit him about every other day, it just wasn't working. We got him into a home, and his dementia became worse. He too blamed us for tricking him into moving into a home. His daughters had "pinched his car, pinched his house and pinched all his belongings". Police should be called he said. On and on it went. And we had a pretty good relationship in the good days! It was tough to deal with. So I understand through first hand experience what a rough road this has been for you. And clearing out the house!! You did well to clear it and sell it within seven months. It took me two years carting things out every weekend in my little van. My son was a huge help at the time and we would pack things up and have our teary moments and lots of hugs as we came across things that brought memories of happy times flooding back. I'm so glad that your mom has been settled into a good place and that you and the rest of your family are happy to visit with her and can get her out during your visits. Getting my dad out was the only thing left that I could do for him, and I know he loved going for walks along a wooded trail that ran behind his care home. Best of luck for things to continue a bit easier for you now. Your mom looks fantastic! and your grandkids look happy to be with her, which is a real blessing. Hugs to you!
    Wendy

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  5. great to see you back..........so pleased your Mum is in care as I knew it was getting to much for you.......that 24hr worry is gone.......hope some weeding and stitching can make it's way in now...........

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  6. Hi Kerrie... goodness, you have been going through so much... taking care of aging parents is a difficult thing, there's so much to consider... it has been a privilege to read your post about such a challenging & personal issue.
    Have faith in the arrangements that are now in place for your Mum, & I hope she continues to enjoy her little outings.
    Despite the weeds, your garden is putting on a very pretty show for you!
    x

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  7. Hi Kerrie. It is good to hear from you again. We missed you at the Bathurst Blog Meet on the weekend. I understand what you have been through, as we have just had my mum enter aged care a couple of months ago. Fortunately, Mum does not have dementia and made the decision herself, as after some time in respite she found having help on hand was very reassuring. She is joining in activities and eating so much better than when she was home alone. I too find that I am spending more quality time with mum without the stress and worry. Mum moved into a retirement unit just over 12 months ago, so the house was sold late last year to her neighbour and a lot of the going through "stuff" happened then. This move was in a way harder, as the more important stuff has now to be gone through. We have just sold the large furniture and I can get my car back in the garage, but there is so much to sort through. I find it hard to know where to start and so hard to dispose of a lifetime of memories. I do hope that you now find more "you time" and can join in the blogging community again. Your flowers are looking lovely. It is so nice to get out in the garden and simply smell the roses for a change.

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  8. I am so sorry that you have had such a rough time , such an emotional one too. It is a hard decision to make and it looks like you have made the right one as your dear mum actually sees more of everyone than she did before. Cleaning out a house is no fun along with the stress of selling. I do hope that you are okay and finding time to smell the roses. You still have your hands full with teenagers and that can't be easy. Many angel healing hugs to you.

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  9. Hi Kerrie. Welcome back. Yes, life does get in the way at times. So glad you're Mum is all sorted now and you can relax a bit knowing she is in good care. xx

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  10. How lovely to visit you once again. You have had a time of it, haven't you. It is never easy when our parents are unable to care for themselves and need full time nursing home care. How lovely your son has bought the family home. That way the family memories will keep on. Your garden is looking lovely. I am amazed your roses are in full flush. Ours are just beginning to bud. I guess it is all that lovely hot weather you have.

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  11. It's so good to see you back again, after what sounds like a busy and challenging time. I'm glad your mum is settled despite her grumbles that 'it's a conspiracy'....love that. Your roses are beautiful, do I see a Double Delight in there?

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